‘Tis the season of disappointing other people. Fa la la la la….
As my platform has grown so has my exposure to judgement. In my personal and professional life, there are people who have been disappointed in me, even angry with me, over the last year or so.
I will be honest with you, this kind of thing used to really eat me up inside. I’m not going to tell you that I’m super-cool with people being upset with me now. But I can tell you that I have done a lot of work to be ok with some people being mad at me - and me NOT OWNING their feelings.
The truth is this: a person’s emotions are their own responsibility. I have repeatedly found that the people who are disappointed in me or angry with me have one or more of these things in common:
A poor sense of self
A general lack of self-awareness
Poor coping skills
A weak or completely lacking support system
For these folks, I will forgive them in order to make peace in my own life so I can move forward. I will not make space for their energy or abuse, In fact, I will actively distance and separate myself from it. And, most importantly, I will not take responsibility for their emotions.
If I hurt someone or cause someone harm, I will own that and apologize. I will take radical responsibility for myself and my actions - but not for others reactions to my actions.
This is what it looks like to have boundaries. This is what it looks like to be a grown-up. It is not easy. But it is the only way to show all the way up for those who matter most to me. I would be doing myself and my loved ones a massive disservice if I took on my haters anger or displaced feelings. The same goes for you.
How do you stay in your own way when it comes to other people’s opinions and judgments of you? You must take radical responsibility for that. This episode will teach you how.
Links mentioned:
Book: The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday
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